being left by you was like the crackling sound that the vacuum makes when you run it over a particularly crumb-littered piece of carpet. dirty, satisfying. being left by you was cold like leaving the window open over night and half waking up all night long, you’re not conscious enough to get up and close the window but you’re so damn cold that you can’t fully fall asleep. being left by you was like not being able to understand someone’s heavy accent and just nodding and then they keep looking at you, waiting for a real answer. it was funny, I laughed. you laughed. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.” “Do what, go for sushi?” being left by you was so fucking grey and it didn’t really feel like being left. it felt more like leaving.
—I’m not as sad as I’m supposed to be (via porn4smartgirls)
Cigarettes look so harmless but then again so did you
—(10 word story)
What I’ve Learned:
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.
—Oliver Nolau (via oliverwr)
do you know when it’s so dark that you can’t see your hand in front of your face? you keep squinting and widening your eyes but the darkness stays concrete, absolute. eventually you have to touch your mouth, your nose, your shoulders, your knees, just to make sure that you’re really there? that’s how I feel about my future. I know it’s there but no matter how hard I strain I can’t see it. I wish I had something to clutch, something to remind me that I will still be here tomorrow, in a week, a year from now. but you can’t stroke plans and you can’t dig your nails into promises and I am worried that I am disappearing.
—I’m going to be 18 in exactly a month (via porn4smartgirls)